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POPE
TART
Papal
Pop-Tart
Genuine
modern-relic!
Bears
likeness of His Holiness Pope John Paul II!!
We have all heard of the recent spate of religious icons, the
Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich, the Madonna and Child Pretzel and
the more recent Holy Cheeto. To be honest, I
was skeptical about it all. I had pinned the owners as either out to make
a fast buck or just delusional! Then I remembered the words of Christ; “Why do you doubt, O ye of little faith?” (Mt 14:30). I suddenly understood
the true purpose of this phenomenon! This is God’s
way of reaching the modern person! In today’s
jaded world, where people are turning their backs on the Lord, He has
found a solution! God is trying to reach people through the simple, the
mundane, the ordinary. If people won’t come to Him, He will appear to them…and in a form they can truly stomach!
This week has seen the passing of our Holy
Father, Pope John Paul II. The faithful still keep vigil over his body, pilgrim’s praying at his tomb. The Lord said, “I am
with you always even to the end of the world" (Mt 28:20). He has
returned our Pope to us, miraculously, in the fashion of Jesus. He has
been resurrected, in a most humble form.
For breakfast this morning, I had two Kellog’s Pop Tarts, French Toast flavored.
I had set the toaster to low. When I pulled the Pop Tarts from the
toaster, I was astonished to see that one Pop Tart bore the image of His
Holiness! Not only is the picture of the Lord’s
representative on Earth but it is an image of the Pope looking youthful
and more refreshed. The other Tart was secular. I wept when I saw this
image. The morning sun shone through my kitchen window, illuminating this
holy image. It was an ethereal, religious moment for me and is proof that
there is an afterlife. Through transubstantiation, we receive Christ and
now, through this breakfast bread, we receive His Holiness. And now I
want to share my blessed breakfast with the world!
Because I have been blessed to have owned
and toasted the papal tart, I now feel that I can pass it on. I am not
out to make money, merely to share this wondrous object.
So, I am starting the bidding at the low,
low price of $1!
To His Holiness, Requiescat
In Pace.
To you, peace be
with you and happy shopping!
On
Apr-17-05 at 14:26:28 PDT, seller added the following information:
NOT INTENDED FOR CONSUMPTION
On
Apr-17-05 at 15:45:30 PDT, seller added the following information:
Important Update!
Many have sent queries asking
if the Immaculate Tart foretells the 265th Pope. The Archbishop of Florence states:
"The new pope has already been chosen by the Lord, we must only pray
to know who it is."
If you want my tip, given the
French Toast flavor of the relic, I would venture that the Pope elect may
be a Francophone.
On
Apr-18-05 at 15:07:58 PDT, seller added the following information:
More Pontiff Presaging...
I postulated
yesterday that the Immaculate Tart may portend the pontiff-to-be.
The Holy Tart of Berkeley is French
Toast flavored and thusly, I deduced that the new Pope may be a
Francophone.
It now appears that
Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustinger, former
Archbishop of Paris, is
the prelate tipped to take the title, according to spokespeople and
bookies. Tres bien!
The smoke is still
black! Stay tuned!
On
Apr-19-05 at 12:12:28 PDT, seller added the following information:
Armageddon!
We near the auction endtimes...
Bid today!
On
Apr-20-05 at 11:14:07 PDT, seller added the following information:
Congress Approves Tart
I have been formally approached by the United States Library of
Congress whom wish to archive information about
my tart for their research collection, to document the life of Pope John
Paul II. This Library "preserves the Nation's cultural artifacts and
provides enduring access to them." I am proud to relay that I have
agreed to this honor. The tart shall live on, contributing to the
education and scholarship of this nation!
Get your piece of tart history today!
Bid now!
On
Apr-20-05 at 15:02:37 PDT, seller added the following information:
Famous Tart!
I have been informed that the Pope Tart is making national and
international headlines! My spies tell me that the Pious Tart has
traveled the airways to local radio in San Francisco and the Bay Area, to
KMXB in Las Vegas and KTSA in San Antonio, Texas (but God knows they
have bigger problems there!) News of the Devout Tart has even made it
Down Under!
Get
a piece of the Tart today! Time is running out!!!
Bid now!
On
Apr-21-05 at 11:50:02 PDT, seller added the following information:
SERMON ON THE TART
With thanks to the Right Reverend Teddy, of
Cash of God Ministries. (Although I dispute 9 and the nutritional value
of Tarts -ed).
1
And seeing the multitudes he appeared to them upon a TART and
when he was toasted his
bidders came unto him.
2
Blessed are the TART bidders because theirs' is the kingdom of E-bay
3
Blessed are those who are outbid for they may re-bid for the TART.
4
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after the TART :
for they shall be satiated.
5
Blessed is the winner : for they shall obtain
the holy TART.
6
Blessed are the postal workers : for they shall
deliver the TART.
7
Blessed are they whom are persecuted for the TART's
sake:
for theirs' is the kingdom
of E-bay.
8
But I say unto you, That ye resist not generic TARTS :
but whosoever
shall smite thee on thy right toaster slot, turn to him the other.
9
Take heed that ye do not your alms before breakfast, to be seen chowing
forth : otherwise ye have no reward of your TART
which is in thy bathroom.
10
Toast not, that ye be not toasted.
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