Bad Language - Electronic Voice Phenomenon

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Paranonsense:

Electronic Voice Phenomena
Karen Stollznow - B@D LANGUAGE

Check out my new article on EVPs at Haunted America Tours

Ghost or Gobbledegook?

I recently attended a paranormal investigation of a ‘haunted’ hotel in the old gold mining town of Jackson, California. Conducted by a decidedly non-skeptical group of ‘paranormal investigators’, the investigation commenced at the ungoldly hour of 1.30 am, and ended at the positively satanic hour of 4 am. What were the findings of this investigation? Beyond the hundreds of photographs of orbs (circular patterns of light, common to photographs, that are mostly attributable to dust particles), the group claimed to find proof positive in the following example of Electronic Voice Phenomenon (EVP):

Proof (not so) positive

(with thanks to Jonathan Russell)

This snippet was recorded with an audience of several people, in a room with the door open, with people holding conversations all around, in a busy hotel, and with a live band downstairs. Moreover, the 'message' is incomprehensible. Rather than accepting this as 'proof of the paranormal', could this be background noise, interference or even a human voice?

Proof positive

(with thanks to Ted Gwin)

Using the editor Sound Forge, this piece illustrates the ease with which anyone can create their own convincing 'EVP', complete with eerie ambiance. The gruff-voiced author devised all of the sounds and voices, including that of the sweet, if not Elmo-inspired 'little girl'. The wraithlike, "Daddy, I think I'll have a little sleep now" comes from an epitaph I once saw on a child's grave in Gore Hill Cemetery, Sydney.

The following is a naughty, rude re-make where the spirit may indeed be inflicted with some sort of coprolalia.

The Bad-Language version

More Proof Positive

(with thanks to Richard Saunders)

This reminds me of a story once splashed across the sensationalist, fictional National Enquirer magazine, "Dead Man Leaves Message on Answering Machine!" Perhaps this was simply a message left by the man before he died?

Even More Proof Positive

(with thanks to Nik Kovacevic)

It is claimed that EVPs are often heard after the recording is made, adding further credence to the theory that an EVP is a subjective interpretation. An EVP is an example of audio pareidolia. Pareidolia is seeing faces on places other than faces. Similarly, EVPs are interpretations of meaningless sounds as utterances. See Mark Newbrook's articles about the related theory of 'Reverse Speech' here.

Here's One I Prepared Earlier

Here's another EVP 'serving suggestion' to create a convincing EVP. Using Sound Forge, I recorded an utterance. I chose a plausible-sounding 'message from the dead'. Remember, a spirit will say something suitably ethereal and engimatic. Of course, a ghost won't say something mundane or everyday, like "I can't have sex tonight, my veneral disease has flared up again". Instead, choose a swearing of eternal love, a warning from beyond the grave, a cryptic message or an admission of guilt. I used the last words-like declaration "I'm sorry". The vocals need to have a ghostly quality to them...perhaps a higher pitch, a deeper pitch, and some fading or echoing effects.

Next, you want an appropriate background. Where might a spirit be found? In an abandoned house with creaky floors? In a cemetery at night, with hooting owls and howling wolves? In an empty church with thunder heard in the distance? I selected a whistling wind, and superimposed the vocals over the background.

A 'real' EVP!

(with thanks to the Mystery Investigators and the Australian Skeptics.)

This clip was recorded in a school that is reputedly haunted. A few of the teachers were concerned about the rumours and, to understand the situation, they sought the assistance of the Australian Skeptics (better than using those insane television 'investigators'!). Listen carefully to the recording, and you can pick out some curious noises. Halfway through, you'll hear a door closing. Near the end, you'll hear the investigators talking in the distance. Without knowing the background information, you could easily construe the clip as a series of inexplicable, ghostly sounds.

#$%@!
and Welcome to Bad Language

I'm Karen Stollznow (Cunning) Linguist,
Author, Skeptic and Investigator of the
paranormal and
pseudo-scientific.

Send your EVPs to the Cunning Linguist

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